Monday, May 3, 2010

Return for Refund

I can't stop thinking about the family who sent the little boy back to Russia. It is totally inconceivable to me that someone would put child onto a plane for such a lengthy flight with a stranger solicited on the Internet to go to the airport to collect. I'm still struggling with my thoughts on this issue. I keep asking myself how someone could do that, why would someone feel that was the only option available to them. And how is that little boy ever going to survive with this additional strike to his concept of self-worth.

I know that for some children life has not been a picnic, in fact their experiences are worse than many of the plots of popular horror movies. These little ones are trying to copy with abuse, neglect, FAS, PTSD, and all the trauma that international adoption begets. This is where RAD may come in, which could have been the behaviour described by the family.

What I keep coming back to is the need for education and information. I wonder how prepared the family who attempted to adopt this little boy actually was before they brought him home. And I don't mean in a physical sense. You can have a room ready in your house, toys and clothes in the closet, but that is not the real sense of readiness. One has to be ready for a child, a real living individual with needs and wants and reality separate from mine.

I heard a speaker today at a conference. He said we live in a time of illusion. Our heroes are TV and movie characters or the actors who portray them. We pretend that death is not a definite but a distant possibility. And when we can't deal with reality we are medicated with anti-depressants. It was an interesting theory, and very depressing.

I reflected on his message in light of my pending LOI and trip to Kazakhstan. I definitely have a dream of my life with my son/daughter to be. Most mornings I awaken remembering dreams involving some aspect of parenthood or the adoption journey. My dreams are warm and fuzzy filled with love and laughter, the dream every parent has for their future.

I also have nightmares. I've taught children with Fetal Alcohol syndrome and effect. I've had 7 boys with Autism Spectral Disorder in my classes over the years and know that recent figures put say that 1 in 200 children have some form of autism. I've also taught children affected by abuse, drugs, neglected, well the list could go on. I worry about my child having any of these afflictions.

But one thing I know, I will be asking for support to learn how to raise my child. This child I dream about, when he/she is my reality it will be forever.


1 comment:

Diane said...

Well said my friend, and I am one of those who will be there to support you, listen to you rant when you need it, just listen when you need it, hold your hand or offer you a shoulder to cry on. I'll even babysit on occaison :-)

It's good to be prepared, I strongly suspect Artyom's family was not...and it makes me so incredibly sad for him.