Friday, April 30, 2010

Simply in the Springing of the Year

I found A Prayer in Spring, by Robert Frost while looking for a prayer to begin my meeting yesterday. This spring has been absolutely beautiful especially the flowering trees, they are exquisite. I wanted a prayer to celebrate this remarkable spring.

I liked the poem as I really felt it speaks to me at this point in my adoption journey. I'm so focused on getting to Kazakhstan and becoming a Mommy that I'm not really living today, enjoying what I am doing now. I need to remind myself to stay in the moment.

The first stanza says to 'give us pleasure in the flowers to-day; and give us not to think of far away as the uncertain harvest; keep us here all simply in the springing of the year'. Isn't that what we tend to do when we are waiting. We think of bringing the baby home, being a mom, sleepless nights, introducing our child to friends and family, all those things that define parenthood, a dream for so many years.

I once said to my friend Megan, who hopes to travel with me to Kazakhstan, not to put her life on hold waiting to hear when I'll travel. And putting my life on hold is how I have been living. It is so hard to live a month at a time, not being able to agree to doing things because you might get the call. Okay, I'll be truthful, sometimes I even resent this process because I figure I could be doing so many other things with my time and money. But luckily I get to spend some wonderful quality time with my friends and their children, and it reminds me the goal is so worthwhile.

But I'm going to try to stay in the moment as I wait, to enjoy each and every day and not feel like my life is too much on hold.

A Prayer in Spring by Robert Frost

Oh, give us pleasure in the flowers to-day;
And give us not to think of far away
As the uncertain harvest; keep us here
All simply in the springing of the year.

Oh, give us pleasure in the orchard white,
Like nothing else by day, like ghosts by night;
And make us happy in the happy bees,
The swarm dilating round the perfect trees.

And make us happy in the darting bird
That suddenly above the bees is heard,
The meteor that thrusts in with needle bill,
And off a blossom in mid air stands still.

For this is love and nothing else is love,
The which it is reserved for God above
To sanctify to what far ends He will,
But which it only needs that we fulfil.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Hello, Still Here

Hello, (Oh, did you hear that echo?)

I know it has been almost 3 full months since I last posted, but I'm still here. (Oops, let me get the dust off of this blog... cough, cough, okay that's better.)

Yes, here!

As in .. not there!

As in I'm still waiting!

Truthfully the waiting has been excruciatingly difficult. My file left Canada in late June of last year. And after it left Canada I never received another update as to where in the wilds of the world my dossier was residing. And as I naturally go about my life, I PANICKED. Was it lost, was it wrong, didn't they like me.

I know that this is really an impersonal process, which we attempt to make personal through our home study, letters of reference, and photos. But as I wait I can help falling into the negative mind trap that some how I'm not hearing because I'm not good enough. How silly is that!

Anyway, last Friday I received the email I'd been long waiting for. My file is in a known space. My file is registered in Uralsk!

Now I'm in that final stage of waiting. The waiting to get my LOI. I understand that a lot of people are also waiting to hear from Uralsk, and yet no LOI's have been issued so far this year. Now I finally feel like I can beginning getting ready for the LOI as I know where I'm going. I know I'll be in Uralsk for roughly 3 months, so I preparing DVD's for watching and yarn for knitting. I'm thinking about clothes to get me through 2 seasons. And getting this all packed in as light a suitcase as possible.

Knowing something is such a good feeling.

Knowing everything (like when I'll travel) would be even better.