I've been thinking a lot about you lately. Okay, I've been thinking about you since I began my journey to become a mother through adoption. I've decided to start writing letters to you. I don't expect to ever give you the letters, but it seems right some how just to put these words together.
I wonder how you are and how you are coping with your decision to relinquish your rights as a mother. It must be hard. Did you know the whole way through your pregnancy that you would have to give him up at the end? How did you feel as you felt each movement, kick of our child? Did you take good care of him? Did you have a lot of trouble with morning sickness? Were you tired a lot? Was he your first child, or have you had other children?
The other day I was with a friend who became a mother for the second time in March. She is very interested in my journey to become a parent. As we talked she suddenly turned to me and said, "So, your child is already born now." I looked at her in stunned silence. I'd never thought of it that way. I knew when I met our child he or she would have to be at least 6 months old, and I hope to be traveling in 4 to 6 months, but math has never been my best subject. I never thought that our child is alive and growing in a baby house some where in Kazakhstan.
At the moment we are both in the same boat, we are both wondering how our child is doing. I think of our child as a son. You at least know if we have a boy or a girl. Did you see him, hold him before you had to leave him? Did you give him a name? I hope when I meet our child I learn a little about you.
In time, when our child is older, I expect him/her to ask questions about you, question for which I won't have answers. But they will be questions that I am asking myself now as I wait to meet our child.