Sunday, February 19, 2012

Get's My Goat

I've wondered this year, if birth parents get asked if motherhood is what they expected. I'll be with people who know that I adopted and they always seem to ask if being Denis' mother is what I expected it would be like. Most often the ones asking are parents themselves.

Now, how do you answer that question.

Yes, in many ways being a parent finally is exactly like I thought it would be.
  • From the sleepless nights to the joy of watching your child do something for the first time has been exactly how I ever imagined and thought it would be.
  • I knew there was an intimate relationship between a mother and child that is special.
  • I knew there is a secret society of mothers where we just nod or smile at each other and share a ton of acknowledged information.
This is exactly how I expected my life to be. I knew it would change me as a person and as a teacher, that I would have a different perspective looking at the world.

And then...

No, I could never in my life imagined the reality of being Denis' mother.
  • I never knew I could love this child as much as I do.
  • I could never image that utter terror when he disappeared out of my sight.
  • I could never image the sense of contentment I feel when he lays his head on my shoulder or the utter joy when he gives me a kiss just because.
  • Could I have imagined days when I have had enough and I can't wait until he goes to sleep.
  • Or the relief I feel dropping him off at day care knowing I can have a few hours peace while he has fun.
  • I could never imagine a life where my sister's needs didn't come first nor a time where I would realize how exhausting and draining it has been caring for my sister.
  • I never thought that he would be a child who would demand my constant attention and find playing alone impossible.
  • Did I think I'd be the kind of parent who uses a DVD and tv to get a few minutes peace from my child, NEVER. But that is the reality.

And how come no one ever mentions that dressing a toddler is a full contact sport! I've had so many hits to the head I think I might be needing a hockey helmet.

Is this what I expected, I still don't know how to answer that question. Is parenting your child what you expected. Is what you do today what you expected you would do today?


Diane said...

Interesting.....I'm not sure I've ever been asked that question....I have been asked how I am enjoying motherhood, but not quite the same.

I just said yesterday to another mom at daycare "I've become the mom I said I would never be", I said that while Tienna was lying on the floor refusing to put her jacket on and we had to leave to go pick up Ciera, as T lay on the floor kicking her legs I wrestled her into her jacket while threatening to take her out to the car without her jacket on!!! I always thought my kids would be so much better than that :-)....well Ciera was but Tienna is a whole other kettle of fish.

Rest assured you are not alone in being glad they went to bed, or even putting them to bed early as you have had enough, heaven help me when Ciera actually learns to tell time!!

Diane said...

However.......parenting is all that I hoped and dreamed it would be, the few lows are more than compensated for by the highs....things like both kids snuggled into me on the couch, hearing them say "I love you" uncoached for the first time, spontanous hugs, hearing how they are when they are not with you (a huge relief!!). What I did not expect was the constant feeling that I am rushing, both them and me. "c'mon hurry we have to go" I HATE that, I am trying to figure out a way to be able to slow our life down, I yearn for the 60's sometimes! Life was so simple then :-)

Anonymous said...

You have said it all so well. Does any mother like to admit that there are moments you are sure you have had all you can take...I don't think so. I love my life as a mom even with those -rather not admit moments! I too have had so many knocks in the eye, head, boob that I wonder I haven't had a black eye or some other medical issues in need of attention. But when my little guy rubs his cheek aginst mine just to check if I am softer than my pashmina and declare that I am...and stays for more cuddling, nothings better! Sally