30 out of 1440 Isn't Enough

Just putting it out there, but 30 minute visits make for a very long day (I did the math, the whole day is 1440 minutes. Needless to say my visit with MLM is the absolute highlight of the day. I still get really nervous every morning as prepare to go. I find I can't eat and I just feel so scared, of what I'm not sure. And then I see his little face and he comes running into my arms and I feel wonderful. When I'm with him it seems the most natural thing in the world. But the whole time I with him I'm aware that very soon it will be time to say goodbye.

I love when the staff sees me because they all say "--------------- your mama". It is amazing how that phrase sounds the same in English and in Russian.

Oh, I felt like I'd failed my first parent/teacher interview the other day. One of the main nurses, MLM's favourite nurse told me that MLM is a naughty little boy since his mama has come. Now he doesn't listen and he won't do as he is told, he just wants to laugh and run around. She wasn't complaining and didn't want to be mean, I think, as she was smiling when she told me.

I see all the children in his group when I pick him up and when I return him to his playroom. All the children are looking for attention, all would love the one-on-one attention that a 'mama' gives. I know that MLM doesn't understand what a 'mama' really is, nor that one day I hope to bring him home with me forever. At the moment I'm like the cookie he teased Kendra's daughter with the day we were in the music room together. I'm a treat, something he really enjoys and doesn't want to see leave, and something he has that the other children don't have. If the other children are around he holds out his hand in that universal sign of stop, as to say 'don't come here, this is my momma'. I think it will be a while before he will want to share my attention with others.

Kendra and I have spent the last two afternoons together . On Saturday we went to the Dixie Pub. I'd heard from Amanda that they make a wonderful veal masala with mashed potatoes, only they didn't have an English menu at the restaurant. Okay, picture this, Kendra and I going through the menu back and forth, looking at the Russian, and we kept looking, as if the more we looked the more we'd understand. In the end we settled for pizza which was quite good. As we sat and talked, a group of children at a nearby table all received tall glasses of some sort of milkshake. Well, we both caved and each ordered one, it was a banana milkshake. It was good as long as it was cold, which wasn't for too long, but it certainly quenched our curiosity.

Today we went down the main road to the Pushkin hotel. First we walked over to the WWII memorial. It is such a moving site. It was a beautiful sunny day around freezing. Then we went back to the hotel to have lunch. Kendra really enjoyed the menu in English. We both ended up ordering the Steak Diane (served with a lovely balsamic vinegar sauce) and the French fries. It is sad when French fries make you really happy. After lunch we walked back to where her apartment as she showed me the market where she buys her fruit and vegetables. I think it is too far from my apartment (about 20 minute walk) but it was such a nice day today I enjoyed the walk.

I have to say that I really lucked out when it comes to apartments. I have a wonderful view out both my exposures, and as it is the main street just down from city hall, I get to see anything that is going on (Tree lighting ceremony). Also my apartment comes with satellite tv. I pay extra for it, but Kendra's apartment doesn't even have the option. Also, I have this internet service. Kendra's is true dial up using phone cards. Her's isn't fast enough to support Skype. As I say, I really lucked out. I'll have to thank Nastya big time for finding me this nice apartment.

Tomorrow Kendra goes to court. She was suppose to go on Friday but the judge was sick. I'd hoped to hear when I go to court, but, yup the judge was sick. The judges clerk said it will most likely be the 28^th or 29^th of the month. I have tickets to fly to Almaty at 9:50 on the morning of the 29^th and then tickets to Toronto for the 30^th, so let's pray that court is the 28^th. I don't expect the judge to wave the 15 day appeal period, so I'd like to come home for those 2 weeks, and then return here for the 3 - 4 weeks it takes to get the birth certificate, passport and entrance visa. If my court date is the 29^th, then I'll plan to stay here until the 15 days are over and then get the birth certificate, at that point I have to decide if it is worth coming home just to return to pick MLM up. There are no flights to Frankfurt from the 31^st to January 7^th, if I'm staying for a whole week, I might as well stay the second, and then…

I have to say all this thinking does a person in.

Paka paka!